I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
