A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
