Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
