Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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