Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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