You're my little dorito
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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