he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
