Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
