Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
