That's intense
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
