On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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