I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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