hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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