That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
