I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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