Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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