definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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