Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
