How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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