This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
