ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
