He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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