I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
