The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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