I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
