Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
