reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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