my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
