My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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