not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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