I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
