I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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