Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
