You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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