If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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