ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
