What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Ā¯ and "Why tacos?"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
