i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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