Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
