I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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