No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
