i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
