Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
