i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
