I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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