i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
