i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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