I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
