I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
