Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize