Can Purell be used as lube?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
