I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
