is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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