would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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