i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
