we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
