After last night, I could never be a politician.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
