Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
