Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
