I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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