Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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