Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
