he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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