just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
