Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
