She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
