I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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