I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
