Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
