If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
