she looked like the bat from fern gully.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
