nut hugger
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
