some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
These tits shall not be calmed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
